Here’s something that most ministers don’t know until they experience it: leaving a church is HARD WORK. Yes, there are all the hours spent compiling your materials, researching congregations and communities, interviewing for a new position, and being evasive about where you were when you preached in view of a call. Yes, there’s the energy directed to putting what’s only in your head down on paper and straightening your office for the next occupant. But what I’m really talking about is the emotional component of leaving. No one warns you about all the feels you might encounter.
You might feel guilty. Every congregant has a different reaction to a pastor’s departure. And many of your congregants, particularly the ones you know best or have worked most closely with, might project those feelings onto you. The spoken or unspoken messages could include “What did we do wrong?” and “How could you do this to us?” and “What will we do without you?” This anxiety is normal, and your people will be ok. They are experiencing a loss, and they need time to grieve.
You might feel relieved. All those aspects of your job that you liked least? (We all have them.) There’s now an end in sight for them, at least in this context.
You might feel ready to go. Once you have turned your face toward your next call, it is really hard to stay engaged in the last weeks of your current one. You are excited about what is ahead, and there are a million details unrelated to your old position to address.
You will feel exhausted. As I said, leaving is hard work. That’s partly because of the scramble to wrap up loose ends, but it’s primarily because of the feelings mentioned above.
You might feel grateful. Depending on the circumstances of your departure, your appreciation for the church you’re leaving might be muted or delayed. But you have no doubt learned valuable lessons and developed relationships that have formed or encouraged you. That’s worth celebrating at some point.
Oof. That’s a lot, and it’s important to give yourself space to deal with all the emotions. As you do, it’s ok if not every detail makes it into the cloud for your successor. It’s ok if you leave work early to run or take a nap. It’s ok to feel what you feel, whatever that is. More than anything else, it’s important to focus on people as you wrap up your time - including yourself, because you are a people too - because that’s what those you’re leaving behind will remember most.