What is true community?
As the notion that church should be a family thankfully (hopefully?) fades into the ether, we need a new metaphor for the kind of belonging we hope to experience ourselves and to extend to others.* I think community could be that idea, but the word is so overused that it’s in danger of being meaningless. I’d like to share two experiences of community I’ve had as a way of drawing out what it could mean for congregations.
Karaoke night at the bar
My best friends and I decided to mark the end of our first year of seminary by going to karaoke at a nearby dive bar. I had never been to a karaoke night, much less performed at one. But there was something about this place that immediately drew me in. The bar was full, which gave it a certain energy. There was lots of support for those brave enough to sing. Rather than keeping to their own groups, people circulated and enthusiastically greeted newcomers. When I returned to school in the fall, Trackside became my regular Wednesday night spot. It didn’t matter if I had an 8:00 class on Thursday (that’s what naps are for) or of I wasn’t feeling my best (that’s what ginger ale is for). I was there - and I was singing. Now, I’m not a good singer, but I had so much fun getting up in front of others and putting on a show. I tapped into a different part of my personality than my front-facing introvert/seminary student, and everyone in the place cheered me on, just like they did for everyone else. I took my mom once, and she recalls everyone shouting my name as I came through the door. I took my mentoring committee for ordination, and that night is still what some people on that committee remember most about that process.
The comic shop
Currently, the place where I see community best embodied is at the local comic book store. I don’t really read comics, but from the first time I accompanied my husband and son, I was warmly welcomed. So is everyone else, even on event days (Free Comic Book Day, Wonder Woman Day, Batman Day) when the store is JAMMED with customers and local artists selling their creations. Those special days are usually fundraisers for local organizations like the domestic violence shelter and the animal shelter, so the store is keen on supporting the local community. More important than the welcome I have experienced, though, is the hospitality I have observed. The Comic Strip is a safe harbor for the LGTBQIA+ community. My own kid was greeted like a hero returning from war when we moved back to the area, and the shop runners and local artists still talk about the characters he has developed and cosplayed over the years.
It probably hasn’t escaped your notice that my two examples of community are in no way church-related. That’s not to say that I have never felt like part of a church community. It is to say, though, that I think most congregations have work to do. I want church to be a place where everyone, from newcomers to long-timers and from kids to adults, feels that they are wanted and that they would be missed if they didn’t show up. I want church to be a meeting spot for cross-pollination of different ideas and people who wouldn’t otherwise interact with one another. I want church to be a laboratory where people can use their gifts and try new things while getting a lot of support for those efforts. I want church to be a space where everyone can be their truest, most beloved selves. I want church to be sacrificially and intimately tied to the world around it, being the good and highlighting the good that others are doing. These are the aspects of church that are sometimes lacking, and through the travail that was the pandemic, they have also become my non-negotiables. This is what community is for me; this is the church to which I want to give my time, talents, and treasure.
*I could create a whole other post about the problems with calling church a family. I’ll just share a couple of points here, though. Families are often insular, looking out for their own and making it hard, though often unwittingly, for others to join in. And some families tend to harbor dysfunction that is very harmful to those most affected by it.
Photo by John Cameron on Unsplash.
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