You’ve almost made it! That promise of extended leave in order to rejuvenate and to reconnect with God and others is just around the corner. Maybe you are army crawling toward your departure date. Maybe you have concerns about being away from your congregation during a pandemic, as conflict simmers, or with a big event or part of a significant planning process overlapping with your leave. Whether you are looking toward your respite with desperation, hesitation, or another emotion (or combination of emotions) entirely, I highly encourage you to take the breather and to think through all the pieces of getting ready, being gone, and re-entering your context.

That’s why I have created Hitting the Refresh Button: A Workbook to Help Clergy Plan for Renewal Leave. This 38-page PDF workbook helps you notice the current states of yourself and your congregation and name your hopes for what you’d like them to be after you take some time apart. The included reflection prompts then help you identify the scaffolding for a leave that will bridge the gap between what is and what could be. Details that are covered include framing, timing, identifying needed resources, budgeting, communicating with the church, departing well, checking in with yourself mid-leave, preparing for coming back, and much more.

The Church, your church, and the world need you at your best. That means we need you physically rested, spiritually grounded, and emotionally nurtured, whether or not we do a good job of telling you this! Hitting the Refresh Button could be the guide you’ve been seeking to get you there during your renewal leave. Purchase it for $15 here.

October has been designated - by whom, I’m not sure - as Pastor Appreciation Month. I am in favor of showing gratitude to clergy all year round. But since greeting card companies give us the reminder in this particular month, let’s use it to raise our awareness of all that our ministers (in congregational settings and beyond) do on our behalf and thank them for their hard, holy work. Here are some thoughts on how to do this:

• Ask your pastor what a “typical” work week looks like, listen deeply to the response, and affirm their use of their time. Ministry is often behind-the-scenes work, made even more invisible by the pandemic. Many clergy would be heartened that a church member took a real interest in the rhythms of ministry simply for the purpose of seeing and valuing that leader’s efforts.

• Inquire how you can be praying for your pastor. Yes, so much of ministry is more difficult right now. But many other things are hard for clergy too, like health concerns and worries about family. What a gift it would be to pray for your leader like she prays for you!

• Give your pastor additional paid time off. I cannot stress enough that clergy are tired, even the ones that have thrived creatively during Covid. Honor their need for rest.

• Set aside funds for your pastor to seek professional support. Spiritual directors, coaches, and other conversation partners can help clergy nurture their souls and/or strategize how to lead in life-giving, authentic ways.

• Send a note to your pastor, and encourage others to do the same. What has your pastor done that has been especially meaningful to you? How has church sustained you spiritually during the pandemic? Be specific. It would thrill your minister to know these things. (Note that kids can easily participate in this one. Pastors love to get drawings and letters from children!)

• Gather up gift cards. There are lots of options here: grocery store, restaurant, airline, hotel chain, pet store, and much more. Your choice could be geared toward meeting basic needs or helping your minister treat herself. Just make sure the gift cards fit the needs and preferences of your pastor.

More than anything, though, your pastor wants your engagement. This doesn’t necessarily mean coming to the church building, because not everyone feels safe doing that yet. It simply means communication from you to this effect: “Hey, we’re still here and paying attention! We consider this church to be our church even when we aren’t physically around. We are actively looking for ways to participate that meet a risk level comfortable to us. We continue to support all that is happening with our prayers and our giving.” For many clergy, those kinds of messages (as many people seem to be disappearing into the ether) would be the greatest form of appreciation.

Photo by Courtney Hedger on Unsplash.

Several years ago many of my pastor peers started going back to graduate school, some in ministry-related fields and others in programs outside the purview of seminaries. I cheered them on, and I knew that at that time, a focus on academics was not for me. I might someday pursue a Doctor of Ministry degree, I thought, but not unless I had a particular issue that I wanted to address through studies and a capstone project.

And then, pandemic. The changes that were in (very) slow progress in the Church were propelled forward. That push was - and is - painful for both ministers and their ministry settings. There is no going back, but we all remain uncertain what moving forward faithfully might look like. I think pastors are already tapping into possibilities, but how to make those innovations sustainable in the midst of grief and polarization and outsized expectations and downsized denominations is an open question.

I want to equip and encourage clergy and congregations in this challenging work of discernment. I can think of no subject that I have more passion for than supporting pastors in their essential functions and creative approaches and churches in their efforts to live out even more fully the love of Christ in a chaotic time. While I have been doing this work for several years now, it is time for me to reach for more than a book or a conference (excellent analog tools!) to enhance my understanding. I need a power tool to hook into my belt. And so, this week I started the Doctor of Ministry program at Lexington Theological Seminary to study the changing church in a changing world. As the LTS website states, “Lexington Theological Seminary’s Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) program, Building Capacity for Transformational Ministries, a graduate professional degree, is designed to enhance pastors’ capacity to critically interpret and engage contemporary cultures as a means to give fresh expression to the gospel and to transform congregations for effective ministry in the twenty-first century.” That is just about a perfect product description for the power tool I’m looking to acquire.

I will maintain a full coaching schedule, though other pieces such as weekly blog writing and the development of new resources might become more infrequent when I am in classes. I am excited about diving into school once again, and I invite the company of your prayers on this new journey.

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash.

Pastors are some of the last true generalists. Their day-to-day work is rich and varied, which is one of the aspects of ministry that is most appealing to some clergy. A pastor is:

• A proclaimer of scripture, interpreting the meaning of ancient texts for our modern lives

• A spiritual caregiver who accompanies people through life’s celebrations and devastations

• A face of the church to the larger community, building a two-way bridge over which people can cross to connect with those similar to and different from them

• An equipper of people as they discover and utilize their gifts and live into God’s calls on their lives

• A leader or facilitator of important conversations and processes about faith and being the Church

• The holder of a bigger picture, a vision into which the congregation is attempting to live

• An administrator of details related to that larger vision

Aren’t we lucky to have leaders who are made for this kind of compassionate, hard, life-changing work?

Now, the list above is not comprehensive, and pastors do the work above in varying percentages according to their contexts, strengths, and staff situations. But it’s a good start, and I offer it in order to contrast it with what a pastor is not:

• The savior of a church

• The receptacle for a congregation’s anxieties

• The person who gets yelled at because someone can’t say what they feel to the person they’re actually mad at

• The paid help that does all the ministry (or even non-ministry tasks) church members don’t want to do themselves

• A scapegoat for conflict or for the numerical decline of a congregation

• A one-person planner and implementer of strategies to attract young people

• A warm body to occupy the office 40 hours a week so that she is there whenever a person wants to drop by and shoot the breeze

• A compensated buddy

• A referee of political or personal conversations

• Someone to make people in the pews feel comfortable and finished in terms of their theology and contributions to the world

There is so much upheaval in the world that we’re all looking for a person, a practice, or a perspective that seems solid, and leaning on pastors in list #2 ways feels like it could be that thing. The effects of doing so are significant, though. Clergy aren’t just thinking about leaving their current congregations. They are contemplating leaving ministry altogether, because they don’t feel free to pastor in the ways they’ve been called. And that in turn leaves congregations without the spiritual guides they need, thereby lessening the possibility of faithful meaning-making, deep connection with fellow disciples, and real transformation.

Mercifully, there is grace for us all when we disappoint and are disappointed by one another. And, I urge church folks to consider thoughtfully the ways you interact with your pastors. Let them love and lead you. (And love them in return!) Let them challenge you, because in that gentle nudging is the promise of spiritual growth and richer relationships with others made in God’s image. Let them invite you into mutual ministry, because ministry is not the work of the paid staff alone. If you open yourself in these ways, you won’t want or need your clergy to fulfill list #2, and you will be journeying arm-in-arm with your pastor closer to the heart of God.

Photo by Florian Schmetz on Unsplash.

“The pastor search team will meet this Thursday…”

Normally I have a pretty good poker face. In this case, though, I nearly wrenched my neck swiveling it so fast from my notes on the pulpit toward the layperson making this announcement from the choir loft. The congregation’s previous minister had exited a mere five days prior, and a search team for his settled replacement was already up and running. (I won’t leave you in suspense about how this story ends. The church called a pastor who was almost the polar opposite of his embattled predecessor. He served for 3.5 years, then was asked to leave. This sequence of events fit neatly into a long-running, unexamined pattern in the congregation.)

When a pastor departs, a church’s inclination is to ask how quickly they can locate a replacement. That is totally understandable. When we experience change - whether positive or negative - there is discomfort. We want to return to equilibrium as quickly as possible. But the time between pastors is bursting with opportunities that are largely unavailable during more settled periods. Here are a few:

• Healing from conflict or grief associated with the previous pastor (or pastors, if there are still open wounds from situations with the most recent pastor’s predecessors)

• Remembering or discovering anew who the church is apart from the personality of a charismatic or long-tenured pastor

• Assessing the congregation’s purpose, gifts, and needs in a new season of ministry and a world changed by Covid

• Right-sizing or reconfiguring staff to meet those needs

• Inviting other staff or lay leaders to exercise or develop talents they haven’t previously

• Leaning more intentionally into potentially transformational practices as part of the pastor search

• Connecting or reconnecting with partners or resources that could inform the pastor search, and more broadly, the church’s ministry

• Receiving and mulling pastoral candidates’ thoughtful questions about the church’s nature and hopes

• Creating or shoring up procedures that improve communication and strengthen trust

• Considering how to welcome the new pastor in ways that develop mutual care quickly

All of this is the holy work of the transition time. It sets up not just your new pastor but your church as a whole to live even more faithfully into God’s invitations. And your congregation doesn’t need to fear taking the time needed to harness all these opportunities, because while you might want an interim pastor to keep things moving and to help you reflect on the points above, the congregation - not a pastor - is the church.

So please, do not form your pastor search team the moment your departing pastor steps over the threshold for the last time. Breathe deeply. Trust God. Open your hearts and minds to the opportunities. You will be so glad that you did.

If your pastor search team needs assistance with making the most of the transition, contact me about search team coaching or check out this self-paced e-course.

Photo by Nareeta Martin on Unsplash.

[Warning: There are mild spoilers below for the Disney+ series Loki.]

Loki is the latest live-action offering in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. It follows the Asgardian god of mischief as he seeks to unmask and take down the Time Variance Authority, which protects the sacred timeline from simultaneously-occurring branches populated by chaos-creating alter egos. It’s a fun series, particularly if you have found yourself sucked into the MCU as I (unexpectedly) have. As I watched, I wondered if there was a way to play with the multiverse concept in church planning.

Many churches have some sort of “sacred timeline” in mind: grow, then grow some more, mainly in terms of attendance, budget, and physical plant footprint. We can be quick to prune initiatives and quell voices that point to futures that don’t seem to fit this linear path. But what if we took time to imagine these alternate scenarios? How might our imagination feed our discernment of the future God is inviting us to consider? Here are a few toys for your sandbox:

What is the nexus event? In Loki nexus events cause the branches in the sacred timeline. For your purposes, such nodes might be major decisions on the horizon or situations that you didn’t foresee (such as a conflict or the departure of a pastor) but that affect the future. Whether intentional or forced, these events fundamentally change the path forward.

Who might our variants be? In his travels between different branches, Loki meets many different versions of himself: a woman, a child, a much older and campier iteration, and even a crocodile. How might you show up differently - individually or collectively - depending on how the timeline branches? You can be as serious or as fun-loving as you want with this.

How might the timeline play out? Using the nexus event and the natures of the variants involved, wonder what might happen. Remember that there can be branches off of branches!

Which branches might you still prune if you can? As you work with the three questions above, you’ll find that not every scenario is a fit for your church’s God-given purpose and gifts. Those are the branches you’ll want to prune.

There are limits to this exercise, of course. You cannot fully predict or control the outcomes of the branches you explore. But simply removing constraints to imagination imbues any planning process with the curiosity and openness that discernment requires. Then, once you’ve played a bit, you can bring data and details into your conversations to refine your options and turn the one that seems to be rising to the top over to God.

Photo by Yuriy Vinnicov on Unsplash.

Pastor search teams are made up of capable people who know their church well and are invested in its future. That said, there is a steep learning curve for most search team members. They have never been involved in the search for a clergyperson. They might or might not have received training and guidance from their judicatory. They do not have the full picture of what a minister’s day-to-day schedule looks like. They have little to no human resources experience, and the experience they have may not serve a calling (vs. a hiring) culture well.

Pastoral candidates, then, have the opportunity and responsibility to provide guidance to search teams in the ways that they show up in interactions. This teaching falls into two buckets.

Assisting with process

• Search teams might not always know the order or range of tasks or the people that should or should not be involved in aspects of the search process. They might want to rush ahead before it’s advisable, be quick to express their desire for you to be the new pastor without getting consensus within the team or considering that you might be the “first” of a particular demographic (thus meriting more conversation with you and with the congregation), or make compensation promises before consulting the finance or personnel committees. You can help the search team slow its roll and think more carefully about the pieces of a healthy process and the purposes behind them. For example, you could ask about what exposure the church has had to a woman in the pulpit and the resulting reactions or who all might need to be involved in certain decisions for the search team to feel confident about them.

• Search teams are often laser-focused on their goal of calling a pastor, and they might not have taken the time to consider the opportunities and big picture questions that a pastoral transition prompts. Your queries might stump the search team, and you could wonder aloud what it would take for the search team to formulate the answers.

• Search teams sometimes neglect to ground the search process spiritually. The search process is long, the congregation is anxious, and the responsibility is heavy, so the team wants to cull as much “soft” work as possible. (I contend that spiritual grounding is not in any way soft or extra but the heart of the matter.) You could offer to pray for the search team and its discernment at the end of an interview, if no one else indicates a desire to close in prayer. You could also ask how their involvement in the search process has impacted their discipleship.

• Clarity and thorough communication (among the team, with the congregation, with the candidates, and with the judicatory) are often the biggest challenges for search teams. You can encourage both through questions such as, “What is the tentative timeline for your process moving forward?” “How are you bringing the congregation along as you do the good work of the search?” “Whom should I contact and by what means if I have questions about the search process?”

• Once a search team and church as a whole become excited about your arrival, they will want you in the church office tomorrow. You can lead by sharing the importance of saying goodbye to your current context well and having a bit of space between calls - that you want to show up in your new congregation on day one having done the emotional work and the rest that will allow you to focus fully on this new season of ministry. And, of course, you’re certain the calling church will want to celebrate well the good work of the interim minister. All of this intentionality honors important relationships and models healthy ones.

Becoming the pastor

• Simply the way that you enter a space says something about how you will be as a pastor. This is not about charisma, though. It’s about attentiveness and engagement. Think about how you want to show up in your interviews and what would make that possible so that the search team can begin to imagine what it would look, sound, and feel like to have you as a pastor.

• Stating your needs and setting healthy boundaries begin during the search process. For example, you might need to help a search team design an in-person visit that leaves space for downtime, nursing, and/or exploring the community on your own: “I am so excited to be with you and to see your church and your city! I want to be at my best when we are together. I will need transition time between events so that I can rest and process my experiences.”

• You will never be in a better position to share with your prospective new church what you require in terms of compensation. Be prepared to help the search team (and possibly other committees such as finance and personnel) think through the various pieces of pastoral compensation, particularly as they relate to your experience and the local cost of living. Urge them not to lump everything together (e.g., salary, insurance, retirement), because that obscures and often lowballs what your actual pay for the ministry being done is. You are teaching the value of the pastoral office, establishing your self-advocacy, and showing your attention to detail.

• Entering a new call is not like showing up to the first day of a secular job. You are assuming a position, yes, but also joining a faith community. You also might or might not be bringing family into that faith community with you. All of this merits more than a passing welcome on the church’s part. You might have to share explicitly with the search team and congregation what hospitality looks like to you. Is it helping with the move (or not)? Are there connections the church can help make regarding a spouse’s employment? What would help kids feel cared for? These invitational aspects come naturally to some congregations but not to others. It’s good and right for you to be clear about what you need so that you can engage deeply and meaningfully with your new congregation.

In short, remain curious and open and ask for what you need. This stance will get the pastor-parish relationship off to a solid start, paving the way for your mutual ministry. But beyond that, it will seed a way of thinking in the congregation that can bear fruit in future processes, pastor search and otherwise.

Photo by Paul Green on Unsplash.

On Sunday my eight-year-old tested positive for Covid. Our family had done all it could, short of keeping him in virtual school for another year, to protect him. My spouse and I are vaccinated. All three of us wear masks when we are out and about. We assess the risk before we go anywhere. Our hands are raw from handwashing and using hand sanitizer. In the end, it wasn’t enough. Alabama’s full vaccination rate is the lowest in the country. My son’s school is old and poorly-ventilated, and I was particularly worried when I saw how small his classroom is. Our governor is begging people to get the vaccine, but she has refused to re-institute a mask mandate. Our school system is using her statement as justification for not requiring masks. (He is one of two students in his class who have been wearing masks.)

So, here we are. Our story is not unique, though. From the time Covid was first diagnosed in the U.S., we have all experienced the results of a cascading failure of leadership in federal, state, and local governments. In addition, some denominations and judicatories have been wishy-washy about Covid protocols, if their polity allows them to make any requirements at all of congregations. This has left pastors and lay leaders with hard decisions to make about precautions and little guidance or cover for making them.

No one entered the ministry to become a public health enforcer. But most did answer the call to help people grow in their love of God and care for one another. And so pastors worked with Covid task forces on how to do church safely, weighing needs for connection with the life-and-death realities of the pandemic. Clergy took on extra work, because every aspect of ministry is harder when you can’t be in a room with people. They also took on extra criticism from those who thought their leaders were being too cautious or who questioned the faith of people who also trust science.

In the spring, it looked like we were headed for better times. Vaccinations, which dripped out to the public at first, suddenly became widely available. It was exhilarating for those of us who had been hunkering down at home. And then…there were way more vaccines than people willing to take them. Delta arrived on our doorstep. Now we are right back in the soup, in some ways more protected, in others much more vulnerable than before.

Pastors, I want to thank you. As a colleague, as a parent, as a person of faith, as a believer in science, as a human being, I am grateful for the good care you are taking of all of us, even when we fight you on it. You are doing the important work that many leaders are abdicating. In her book The Art of Gathering, Priya Parker calls this exercising generous authority. You recognize that you have power, and you use it to the good of those you have power with. That sounds like someone I’ve read about in scripture.

Keep on being faithful. Know that even when the protests are loud, the support for what you are doing and how you are embodying the Gospel is deeper and broader than you realize. And be assured that your efforts are making a difference, not just through modeling what it looks like to be a follower of Christ but also by saving lives.

Photo by Kevin Butz on Unsplash.

Last week I shared one of the biggest challenges that the Church faces in this season. Today I’m sharing one of the other hurdles I’ve noticed in coaching calls and informal conversations with pastors and lay leaders: the Church’s tendency to operate out of scarcity rather than abundance. This scarcity mindset takes many different forms. The pressure to grow (usually defined numerically), whether from within the congregation or from the judicatory or denomination, arises from comparison with the church down the road and anxiety about survival. This causes congregation members to become mired in nostalgia for an earlier era when Sunday School classrooms were bursting at the seams with children or to pitch ideas for programming that are ill-suited to the congregation’s demographics, person-power, or theological commitments. Ironically, this worry about not being or having enough creates insularity and suffocates the imagination and willingness to experiment that could potentially result in growth in terms of spiritual formation and impact in the larger community if not nickels and noses. Instead, congregations hold tight to ministries that need to be celebrated and ended well so that something that better fits who the church is now can bubble up. 

This scarcity mentality takes its toll on members, who become discouraged or exhausted from being tasked with more responsibilities as the overall membership ages and decreases. It is particularly hard on leaders, both laity and clergy, who carry the weight of the church on their shoulders. Certainly pastors too often become the hired hands who absorb all the tasks that others don’t want to do or don’t feel capable of doing instead of being set free to be spiritual guides and partners in ministry. When their to-do lists are an endless scroll, these clergy feel guilty about self-care and time away, and they spiral toward burnout. 

I believe we need an orientation re-set. We need to train ourselves to look for individual and collective gifts, defined very broadly. What talents are represented in our congregation? What relationships with the community do we have? What are people in the church knowledgeable or passionate about? What tangible assets do we possess? What infrastructure do we have in place for efficient use of all our blessings? What compelling stories do we tell about our experiences of faith? When we have a bigger sense of all that God has blessed us with, we can begin to dream of new possibilities. And when we dream, we can conduct holy experiments, calling our efforts just that. We can more intentionally build in times to reflect on what we’ve learned about ourselves, our neighbors, and God and whether we want to continue this trial with some tweaks or pursue another holy experiment. The learned helplessness begins to dissipate. We reconnect our programming with outreach and spiritual formation. We discover our potential and find our niche in our contexts. We help bring about the peace of God’s reign. (This e-book can help you assess, discern, and plan for experimentation.)

I believe we can solve the problems of not knowing and talking honestly with one another as I detailed last week and of being stuck in scarcity thinking. I think making progress on one of these issues can move us forward in the other. And I know that sometimes it takes someone outside of the system to help with either or both challenges. That is why I love the work that I do. If I can facilitate conversation that will help your congregation overcome these hurdles, please contact me.   

Photo by Felicia Buitenwerf on Unsplash.

Because of my work across seventeen denominations/faith groups and counting, I define my ministerial context broadly: the mainline Protestant church in North America. Even so, there are variations on a couple of themes at play in almost every coaching relationship I have with clergy and congregations.  

The first is the difficulty that church members have talking honestly to and being real with one another. Lately this challenge has manifested most obviously in political and cultural polarization. We rarely engage in vulnerable conversations with those who share our pews about how our faith impacts our civic engagement, use of privilege, or interactions with people different from us. This shrinks our discipleship to a personal relationship with God, to a commitment we share about and act on only at certain times and in particular spheres.     

But the problem goes beyond these bigger picture issues. Within our own congregations we can find ourselves so relationally hamstrung that we are not even able to tend effectively to the practicalities of doing church, such as talking about money, dealing with everyday conflict, or raising up new leaders. We interact at a surface level so that no feelings are hurt, and this lack of authenticity dings our trust in one another and prevents us from discovering our collective capacity for doing good. For too long we’ve been taught that niceness is the same as love, that our Jesus was meek and mild instead of a Savior who invested deeply in us by seeing and valuing us for who we are, telling us the truth about hard things, and giving us the power to forgive and heal.  

There is an incredible opportunity available to us in this season in the Church’s life. As we emerge from the pandemic, we will need to re-introduce ourselves to one another and to our larger communities all over again. Each of us has been changed by our experiences of the past year and a half, and even though we’ve found ways to stay connected during the pandemic, they have not fully captured the range of our griefs and graces. We can slowly and thoughtfully structure processes for sharing our experiences, worshiping together and more fully knowing and being known by one another. We can continue to utilize these processes going forward, building on them when the next tricky conversation arises. When we no longer feel so isolated even as we’re surrounded by people, we will be more ready to look beyond the sanctuary walls to partnerships and challenges that need the energy we’ve been using to guard our hearts. 

Next week I’ll share another big challenge I see for the Church in this season and the possibilities that accompany it.

Photo by Casey Thiebeau on Unsplash.

Pastoral turnover is happening, and more is to come. Part of this is due to normal cycling in the mutual ministries of clergy and congregations. Much is related to the stresses ministers experienced during the pandemic, when they were called upon to take on more responsibility (and sometimes authority) than ever before, often with less support. These shifts created fissures or widened pre-existing ones in ways that now seem difficult to bridge as Covid continues, particularly in pastors’ exhausted states.

Whatever the cause, if churches and their leaders are parting ways, it is essential to conduct an exit interview. This kind of meeting offers the pastor closure and provides the church a wealth of insight that it can use for discernment during the transition between settled leaders.

Here are some considerations when planning a fruitful exit interview:

Framing

It’s important that the leadership group setting up the exit interview sees the departing pastor's insight as a gift, a way to get a head start on the church's self-assessment work in the interim time. Pastors can view their full participation as one of their final acts of care and leadership for the congregation. This mutual understanding sets the table for a productive, even if at times difficult, conversation.

Timing

Set aside ample space in the last couple of weeks of the pastor’s tenure. If the exit interview is too early, the minister might not feel comfortable being completely forthcoming, and if it is after the pastor departs, she might not have the same level of investment in giving complete answers.

Parties involved

Typically exit interviews are conducted by the personnel committee or other leadership team to whom the pastor goes to ask questions or express concerns about how the mutual ministry is functioning. You might consider inviting a third party to facilitate this conversation, particularly if you think the conversation might become contentious. Judicatory leaders, pastors of nearby churches, coaches, or consultants could fill this role.

Clarity about confidentiality

All participants in the exit interview should decide together how the information gleaned can be used. Who can take notes, and where will they be stored? What pieces can be shared, and with whom? Gaining agreement in these matters builds trust in the process, making it more likely that the church will glean useful knowledge.

Questions to ask the pastor

• What were your hopes when you started your ministry here? In what ways were they realized? What made that possible? In what ways were your hopes not realized? What were the contributing factors?

• How would you describe the initial welcome our church offered you (and your family, if applicable)? How did that welcome affect your ability to minister alongside us?

• What goals did you set for your leadership during your time here? What made living into them more or less possible?

• How would you describe the support and encouragement you received from our church for your leadership? For you personally? What was the impact?

• Where do you see untapped potential for our congregation? What do you think is the biggest barrier to living into that potential?

• What do we need to celebrate about our ministry together? For what do we need to forgive on another? In what ways might we go about both?

• What has been left hanging in your ministry that we need to attend to in your absence?

• What else is it important that we name in this space?

After the exit interview is over, the church must not simply stick the fruits of it in a drawer or argue with what was said. Instead, ask, “What does it say about us, in delightful or challenging ways, that our pastor feels this way?” This is a solid step toward transitioning to a new season of leadership with hospitality, direction, and faithfulness.

Photo by Michael Jasmund on Unsplash.

I grew up Southern Baptist. I didn’t know there were other kinds of Baptists until I went to college, much less that there were lots of Christian denominations other than the United Methodist Church, which was my dad’s upbringing.

Seminary was like a denominational playground where a church nerd like me could excitedly sample several expressions of faith. (Oooh, this church has a book full of beautiful prayers and rituals! That one really delves into Advent and Lent!) Even so, when I graduated, I was still a (no longer Southern) Baptist. I am still one to this day because of the central tenets of Bible, soul, church, and religious freedom.

And yet, I have worked mostly outside of Baptist contexts. I have held staff positions in PC(USA), United Methodist, and the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), in which I have ministerial standing. This ecumenism is due in equal parts to being the trailing spouse of a United Methodist minister in a state where my kinds of Baptists are hard to find and to building relationships with pastors of many denominations through Young Clergy Women International. I have both had to be and had the delightful opportunity to be broad in focus.

When I began coaching, then, I had a pretty big pool of ministers and churches to work with. That has translated into ongoing work with clergy and/or congregations of at least 17 faith groups:

• Alliance of Baptists

• American Baptist Churches (USA)

• Anglican (Canada)

• Assemblies of God

• Christian Church (Disciples of Christ)

• Church of the Brethren

• Cooperative Baptist Fellowship

• Evangelical Lutheran Church in America

• Mennonite Church (USA)

• Methodist Church in the United Kingdom

• Moravian Church in America

• Presbyterian Church (USA)

• The Episcopal Church

• Unitarian Universalist (congregation affiliated also with a Christian denomination)

• United Church of Canada

• United Church of Christ

• United Methodist Church

The list above does not include one-off coaching that I have done as part of group mentor coaching cohorts.

This variety makes my Enneagram 5 heart so very happy. I learn from every minister and church I coach. The benefits aren’t only my own; I take insights from one denomination and congregation into others I work with.

I’m a long way from the understanding of Christianity’s scope that I had as a young person. I can’t wait to be invited into more new-to-me spaces.

Photo by Lama Roscu on Unsplash.

[Note: This article was originally published in the July 2021 issue of Christian Coaching Magazine. It is republished here by permission.]

Confessions of a clergyperson: I love the church. I love ministry. I love working with lay leaders. And - I have banged my head on tables so many times during pastor searches that I have a permanent bruise on my forehead.

This action born of frustration and the resulting injury might be metaphorical, but they are also very real. I have either participated in or resourced a number of pastor searches as a search team member, candidate for the position, coach (to the search team or the candidate), and interim pastor, and the common thread through all of them is the anxiety pulsing through the searching church and its representatives.

Rarely are people at their best – their most faithful – when anxious. In the case of pastor searches, panicky churches ask questions that don’t give them the most helpful information or that are off-putting to candidates. They act on personal preferences rather than tuning into subtle nudges from God. They make decisions that are hasty or based on the wrong criteria. They fail to see their candidates as people who are also discerning a big decision and making life changes that are about family and faith community and calling as well as a paycheck.

Add to that the reality that very few pastor search team members have experience hiring an employee (much less calling a pastor, which has some significant differences from your standard human resources procedures), and there are any number of points at which the search process can go off the rails.

These are expensive mistakes, and not just in financial terms. Churches that have to search again shortly because of a poor fit are left spinning their wheels instead of sharing the love of Christ and making big impacts in their communities. Discouragement and distrust in processes set in. Power vacuums are created and filled, often by those who shouldn’t. Pastor carcasses begin to pile up outside the sanctuary door.

Even so, I believe that church members are best situated to find their next leader. They know their congregation, its history and culture. They are deeply invested in its future. They want to do this good, hard search work well. And they absolutely can – with the right resources.

About five years ago I applied for a grant from the Louisville Institute so that I could devote significant time to putting together some kind of toolkit for pastor search teams. I wanted to help them navigate their anxiety so they could harness the opportunity that comes with a leadership transition, that time when a church is most free to assess its direction and needs because it is unattached to a pastor’s personality and vision.

A how-to guide wouldn’t cut it, because each congregation is different. And, as any coach knows, simply telling people what to do cheats them of owning the work and its rewards. What emerged from my eighteen months of research and development, then, was a framework for coaching pastor search teams, a set of handholds by which pastor search teams could feel their way toward calling a great-fit leader.

Searching for the Called is divided into five major stages, with substages in each:

• Pre-search

• Developing the search team

• Designing process and core documents

• Engaging with candidates

• Covenanting with the new pastor

Within every substage search teams can find:

The goal of that stage. This is the big-picture view of what a pastor search team is trying to accomplish and how that work fits into the longer arc of the search as a whole. This framing helps a search team understand why it’s important not to skip ahead in the process. The primary coaching questions here are, “What will the impact be if you complete this stage well? What might happen on down the line if you don’t take the time you need?”

An outline of essential tasks. These to-dos are the foci of each substage. Without checking off each, a search team knows it is not ready to move on to other tasks. Here I ask, “How will completing these to-dos help you meet the goal of this stage of the search?”  

Key questions. These reflection prompts contain coaching questions and allow pastor search teams to customize the goals and tasks of the substage to their particular contexts.

Best practices. Giving search teams a picture of what it looks like to complete the essential tasks well allows me to ask, “What would it look like for your church, with its gifts and challenges, to embody this best practice?”

Tools for carrying out the essential tasks. Here I have developed some resources that pastor search teams to use on their own to do such things as facilitate congregational discussion, ask great interview questions, and put together a fair compensation package. Coaching questions around these tools could include, “How might you use these resources in a helpful way? What do you need that you don’t find in this toolkit, and where might you locate it?”

Candidate perspective. This aspect of the framework is critical. We all have a limited ability to walk in another person’s shoes, but a search team’s willingness to try to understand what their candidates are experiencing allows them to carry out their search process in the most compassionate way possible. Here I ask, “If your candidates are feeling this way, what does that mean for the way you interact with them?”

An assessment so that the search team knows whether it’s ready to move to the next stage. This checklist provides a bookend to the goal and essential tasks of each substage: Here’s what we were trying to do. Did we do it? If not, I can ask, “What’s left hanging before you can move forward? What will it take to complete it?”

Deep dive resources for those who want to know more. Sometimes there is a member of a pastor search team who gets very energized by an aspect of the search process, so I offer books and articles by which that person can learn more.

The word that kept bubbling up for me as I read books and interviewed ministers, judicatory leaders, and search team members in building this framework was “hospitality.” I felt a clear imperative to create a process and coaching around it that warmly welcomes the voices of pastor search team members, the congregation as a whole, the larger community, candidates, and the Holy Spirit. As a result, every aspect of Searching for the Called is geared toward developing relationships, with the hope that pastor search teams will both bless and be blessed by their work.

What I like about using this framework in coaching is that it gives pastor search teams confidence – the counter to anxiety – that they can carry out the important job their churches have commissioned them for as they tailor the process to the specific needs of their congregations. Many search teams emerge from this framework coaching experience not only having called a great-fit pastor but also having developed deeper trust with one another; greater understanding of themselves, their churches, and the ingredients to a healthy process; and a renewed sense of God’s work in, around, and through them. (With regards to this last benefit, the most meaningful feedback I’ve gotten on coaching around Searching for the Called is that it “feels like church.”) The effects can ripple out even beyond single congregations, as candidates who are released from hospitality-rooted search processes feel valued and affirmed in their ministries in ways that positively impact the churches they end up serving.

When individual or team coaching clients are embroiled in change, a service we can provide is not just our coaching skill but also clarity about how they can get where they want (and avoid where they don’t want)to go. A framework like Searching for the Called can do just this, letting prospective search team coachees know that I as coach have an understanding of what they’re trying to do and what they need in order to do it. This builds their trust in our work together even before our first conversation, making it more likely that clients will take a courageous leap toward a hope-filled new normal and saving us all from indenting hard surfaces with the shapes of our skulls.

Schedule a free discovery call here if you’d like to talk about pastor search team coaching. (If there are no available times that work for your search team, email me to coordinate a day and time.) Alternatively, your search team can enroll in the Searching for the Called online course for guidance with your search.

Over the past six months I have worked with several congregations and groups of ministers, and I’ve found it absolutely essential that participants process their experiences during the pandemic. Otherwise there is an isolating, suffocating stuckness, a desire to get back quickly to whatever is familiar instead of moving forward faithfully as individuals and collectives. Here's where I believe we need to spend some time during our regathering:

We need to break the ice. As I mentioned last week, in some ways we are semi-strangers to one another. For this reason, we won't be able to go deep if we don't have some sense of safety first. Play is one way to create that, and I suggested a few activities designed to take power back from the pandemic's hold over us.

We need to slow down. The temptation is there to jump right back into all the programming our churches had in the Before, when so many people were constantly on the go. School will start in the next month or two, so we need to gear up Sunday School for all ages! And weekday Bible study! And have a fall kickoff! And…and…and. Instead, we need to add things back in layers, after taking a few deep breaths and considering what we’d be gaining and sacrificing by re-starting each ministry.

We need to lament. There's no denying we’ve all lost a lot: people we care about, jobs, routines, sleep, a sense of security, time in community, places we frequented, and much more. Milestones passed without full acknowledgment. Events we long anticipated were cancelled. It’s important to name these losses and offer them up to God.

We need to express gratitude. Without denying the difficulty of the pandemic, there are some surprising graces for which we can give thanks. We’ve learned new things. We’ve shifted or broadened our perspectives. We’ve received notes and calls and porch drop-offs. And if nothing else, we’re still here, and that in itself is worth a party. Grief and gratitude are both prayerful, faithful acts.

We need to explore how we've changed as individuals. We are not the people we were in early 2020. Some of those differences are minor or temporary. Others go to the core of who we are and how we show up in the world, making us fundamentally new people in positive and challenging ways.

We need to think about what those changes mean for how we are community to one another. In some churches, relatively surface interactions were the norm. Now that we all need to re-introduce ourselves, we can go deeper. Since we've had a shared experience of difficulty (even though the intensity has covered the range), we can have a shared vulnerability in naming what that difficulty has done to and for us. Out of that willingness to be real, our relationships can grow stronger, and we can look at the gifts and needs of our congregations and contexts afresh. We’ll then be able more effectively to live the love of Christ for one another and the world.

But what does all of this good work look like? Some can be done during worship, with leaders helping us make sense of all that’s happened, preaching about the courage in vulnerability, and creating ways for all people to participate in liturgy (e.g., naming grief and gratitude during prayer times or hanging a prayer wall for everyone to write on during or outside services). There's processing that can be accomplished individually through prayer stations set up around the themes named above. Christian education classes and small groups could be given discussion guides. And congregational conversations in ways that feel Covid-safe (and as emotionally safe as we can make them) can unearth a lot of what needs to be said.

My sense is that we will need some amount of all of the above means in the early going - and that the trauma will continue to pop up in surprising ways for a long time thereafter. But if we can just start talking in real ways with one another and God, we can begin to forge a faithful way forward together.

Photo by Morgane Le Breton on Unsplash.

When social distancing is finally in the rearview mirror, it will feel both joyful and strange. And once that novelty wears off, at church we could be looking at one another like we're semi-strangers.

Yes, we’ve found ways to stay connected during the pandemic. But those means have not fully captured the range of our experiences or the significant changes we’ve undergone. We will need to get to know one another all over again, and we'll have an opportunity to know and be known by one another more deeply than we did pre-pandemic.

Covid wasn't and isn't a laughing matter. But I think we can re-acquaint and challenge the pandemic’s lingering power over us by getting playful with the absurdity and isolation of the past year. Here are some ideas:

Mask fashion show. Who has the most bedazzled or unusual mask? Roll out a runway and let your people strut, showing off their face coverings.

Whose eyes? In person we’ve mostly just seen a 1/3 of one another’s faces for the past 16 months. Ask people to submit close-up photos of the top third of their faces (remove hair and other identifying features from the pictures as much as possible) and find out who can identify the greatest number of fellow church members.

Virtual background matching game. Request individuals to take a photo of what’s been behind them for Zoom calls during the pandemic. Print two copies of each photo and create a giant memory matching game.

What I did during lockdown. Think, “What I did during summer vacation,” but for Covid. You can encourage serious or light-hearted responses. Share in a storytelling session, or print a few responses in each upcoming church newsletter.

Drawing or Play-Doh symbols. Have each person sketch or shape a symbol about what the past year-plus has been like. Have them explain it, or have others guess what the symbols represent.

Old school get-to-know you icebreakers (or as they’re called in some spaces, “energizers”). You have likely been at a church or work event that kicked off with games to help those present meet one another. Use one or more standard icebreakers to deepen knowledge of one another.

Having fun together makes it possible for us to tackle the tough stuff we’ve dealt - and will deal - with. Next week I’ll share some thoughts on how to get into that.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash.

“I dread pastoral care.”

This is the secret shame of a lot of ministers, especially introverts. For those of us whose energy is depleted at the very thought of making a phone call or scheduling a visit, looking at a list of names can automatically prompt us to curl into a ball or pull our hoodies down over our eyes. If you can relate, here’s what I’d like to say to you:

Not loving pastoral care is not the same as not loving people. I trust the beauty and tenderness of your heart and believe that God would not have called you into pastoral ministry if you didn’t care deeply for those in your charge.

Everyone is gifted differently for ministry. In his book Flourishing in Ministry, Matt Bloom cites a study that identifies sixty-four different competencies pastors are called upon to perform. (Thanks to pandemic, that number has no doubt grown.) You will enjoy and be good at some of these tasks more than others.

There are many ways to show compassion and provide spiritual companionship. Phone calls and hour-long visits are not the only means. Sure, you probably need to be ready to spend time with people going through an acute crisis. At other times, though, you might want to send a handwritten note, which is a tangible, lasting sign that you are thinking of someone, or reach out by text, which might be greatly appreciated by those who don’t like talking on the phone or don’t have time for a lengthy conversation. Beyond individual contacts, you demonstrate pastoral care in the effort you put into tending to the business of the church, writing sermons, and planning ministries with your congregation and community in mind.

Caregiving ministry is not yours alone. Even in small churches it is good to cultivate the idea that spiritual accompaniment is the work of the community. You will not always be the pastor of your congregation, and members in it will need continuity of care through leadership transitions. Your ability to encourage and equip people for this good work ensures that follow-through.

For those visits you do need to make, get help with scheduling. Sometimes calendaring is the most daunting aspect of pastoral care. See if your administrative assistant or a layperson who has a good sense of the church and a love for the phone to set up appointments.

Above all, remember that you are not alone in finding this aspect of the work especially hard and that you are not a bad minister because you find pastoral care particularly challenging.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash.

For me, emerging from the pandemic feels like the emotional equivalent of walking out of a cave into the sunlight at high noon on a clear day. I blink rapidly. I shrink from the brightness. I consider running back into the cool darkness of the cave.

In other words, I am not ready to be fully out in the world again. In my mask, I don’t have to worry about my arranging my face into appropriate expressions. With social distancing, I am not forced to make small talk with strangers. If large gatherings are discouraged, no excuses are necessary when I don’t want to have my (barely existent) energy guzzled by trying to find my place, my role, in a crowd. It’s true - this pre-pandemic introvert is in danger of becoming a post-pandemic recluse.

It’s not all my fault. I’ve hardly had any time to myself over the past 15 months, which means my battery stays well below a 50% charge at all times. So as the world opens up more, I’m going to need a minute.

I’m not alone. Some people are So Very Tired in body and soul that they can’t imagine budging from their couches. Others have found online community life-giving. A few are simply not convinced that Covid is under control enough to take the risk of public re-entry.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, there are people who are ready to give free bear hugs to anyone and everyone they encounter. They’ve been craving non-virtual interaction with other humans. They cannot wait to see real smiles and sing in groups and talk about all the things without worrying if their tech will crap out.

There are people in between these extremes too, of course, and representatives of every point along the range are in your church. It’s important to keep this in mind as you craft your re-gathering strategy. Here, then, are some relational factors to attend to in your plan:

• What are the needs and concerns of those who are hesitant to re-engage?

  • How might we help these people?

  • How do we leave a physical and/or virtual seat open for them until they’re (if they become) ready?

• What are the needs and concerns of those who need human touch and talk?

  • How might we help these people?

  • How do we foster meaningful and safe connection in person?

• What capacity do we have to maintain both online and in-person communities?

  • If we can faithfully manage both, how do we keep the two communities connected with one another?

  • If we cannot faithfully manage both, how do we either increase capacity (such as through delegating) or help one community or the other find what they need elsewhere?

In many ways re-gathering is much more complicated than going into lockdown, and people’s comfort level in being with others is one of the ways that the complexity is showing up. Keep in mind that it’s not because one group cares more than another, it’s because the ways of showing care look different depending on individuals’ personalities and experiences of the pandemic. Let us show compassion by remaining open in eyes and ears as well as in hearts and minds.

Photo by MIKHAIL VASILYEV on Unsplash.

In travel terms, the shoulder season is that ambiguous time between peak and off-peak tourism. That feels to me like where we are here in the U.S. with Covid. Vaccines are widely available now to teens and adults, and many are fully inoculated. At the same time, children aren’t eligible for shots yet, and at last check the vaccination rate is under 30% in my county. Life in community is starting to resume, though what that looks like varies widely. Churches are deciding whether and how to dial back precautions. Pastors are juggling ever-changing public health information, growing levels of impatience among church members, the interconnectedness of programming (e.g., how can we start back Sunday School for parents if we don’t feel comfortable re-gathering their children?), and concerns about what responsibilities they’ll be left holding once we can all toss our masks into the bonfire. How, then, do we move forward in this weird and complicated time?

I have continually been delighted by how the book of Acts, which has been part of a regular lectionary diet lately, speaks to our situation. Jesus flies away into the sky, the Holy Spirit breezes through, and suddenly everything looks and feels and sounds different. The rest of Acts is about Jesus’ followers feeling their way along, making assumptions that the Spirit must correct, doing new things (and sometimes stumbling a bit), partnering with unlikely people, and generally figuring out how to share the gospel now that their leader is in their hearts and not before their eyes.

In other words, they experiment - constantly. Everything is up for discussion, because the movement is not what it was when Jesus was around, and it’s not yet what it will be once the momentum really picks up.

This is where we are. This Covid shoulder season is a chance to discover, to try and reflect, then to try and reflect again based on what we learn. This goes for long-time ministries and those we’re just now dreaming about. Here’s an outline for experimentation that you can adapt to your context:

Trying

• What is God inviting us to try?

• What excites us about trying this thing?

• How would trying this thing help us be more fully who God is encouraging us to be?

• Who will lead our attempt?

• What do we need (e.g., information, tools, partners, spiritual preparation) to get started?

• When will we try this thing?

• How will we pay attention to how God might be at work in, around, and through us as we try this thing?

• When will we reflect on what we’ve tried?

Reflecting

• What were the main tasks in planning and implementing this thing that we tried?

• What relationships did we start or strengthen as we tried it?

• What did we learn about ourselves (individually and/or as a congregation) and/or our larger community by trying this thing?

• How did we make faithful use of our gifts (e.g., time, talents, connections, space, money) by trying this thing?

• Where did we notice God at work in, around, and through us as we tried this thing?

• Based on our responses to the above, what might God be inviting us to try next?

These questions are designed to frame experimentation and discernment as the faithful processes that they are, generate excitement for what might be possible, provide a means for ending (without shame) initiatives that don’t work, and show how good things come from trial and error.

There is no full-fledged how-to for emerging from a pandemic. All we can do - actually, what we get to do - is try and have fun doing it.

Photo by Girl with red hat on Unsplash.

Over the past several months I’ve seen a big uptick in inquiries about congregational coaching. Usually these requests stem from a pastor or lay leader knowing that something is changing or needs to change but not knowing how to go about making that transition as positively as possible.

I can help with that. In congregational coaching I work with leadership teams or entire churches on moving forward with faithfulness and curiosity. This work begins with listening for a congregation’s gifts, circumstances, and yearnings. Based on what I hear, I design the parameters, process, and prompts for congregations to have fruitful conversations among their members and with God. While I carry over some tools from one church to the next, I largely start my approach from scratch because I believe each church’s story is one of a kind.

Here are some of the coaching conversations that I have had recently or are in process:

• Creating structure for a congregation to rebuild trust and imagine its way forward as a result of renewed relationships.

• Rediscovering purpose as a church after years of neglecting or eliminating needed procedures and in the aftermath of major damage to the physical plant.

• Helping a newly-called pastor and church begin their journey together with expectations and boundaries that lay a good foundation for mutual ministry.

• Searching for a new pastor, with complicating factors overlaid on the search process.

• Designing a new pastoral staffing model that better meets current and future needs.

• Making difficult decisions about church buildings and land and the accompanying debt in ways that contribute to identity and mission.

• Identifying how best to regather after lockdown, using this transition to ease into bigger-picture discernment.

I can coach your congregation through transitions like these, encouraging you and broadening your sense of what you’re capable of and what God might be inviting you to consider along the way. These coaching conversations take place by Zoom, making them easier for your leaders to schedule and lowering the cost of processes that can have a big impact on your church.

Is your congregation facing a change with a bit of uncertainty and trepidation? Let’s talk.

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash.

You heard it early in the pandemic, when wise people urged us to talk about “physical distancing” rather “social distancing.” Language matters. It shapes how we think, feel, and act. In the case of being apart from one another, contrasting physical to social isolation emphasized that we still could and should remain connected, even as we stayed at home to keep ourselves and one another safe.

We’re at a point in the Covid crisis when it’s again important to pay close attention to the words we use.

Instead of “re-opening,” say “re-gathering in person.” Many of you have already made this shift. While the church’s physical plant might have been closed, the Church never was. To claim such would be to deny the hard work of ministers and lay leaders and the presence of Christ in all times and places.

Instead of “getting back,” say “moving forward.” The former suggests we will spring back to pre-pandemic practices as if Covid was a nightmare we can shake off rather than a reality-altering event on a global scale. We will waste the pain of the past year if we don’t learn from it and make changes based on what we glean.

Instead of “normal,” say “a new way of being.” Normal conjures up nostalgia for a time that never will be - shouldn’t be - again. Normal has left out too many people. Normal has been too stuck in it ways. Normal has been too enamored of itself to ponder changes needed in order to remain faithful.

Instead of “how soon can we lose the precautions?” ask “how can we continue to show care through caution?” Understandably, people are ready to shed masks and hug their church friends. But the numbers show that we are not past the danger, and we’ll be right back in the thick of it if we aren’t careful. It is an act of discipleship to continue to protect one another.

Instead of “but I’m vaccinated” ask “who isn’t yet vaccinated?” While in some areas vaccine supply now surpasses demand, that is not the case everywhere. There are people with health concerns who aren’t yet willing or able to get their shots, and while we might be on the brink of teen vaccination, the timeline for younger children remains uncertain. It’s important to keep asking who remains at risk and plan around those folks.

How might you help your church people make these shifts in language so that they can make accompanying changes in expectations and focus? And what other language replacements would you recommend?

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash.